The Chasm...

There sits an empty page.
The childhood imagined...
Over decades of rain.

And in the hiding...
No memories bore out.
No widened arms.
A house stands...
left without windows.

All the mourning now.
The fretful lost.
A youth spent...
On wasted heart.

Legacy like wilted stems.
And a doubt...
when newness
should spring petals.

There are no words...
No pain, no love.
Just vast blank space...
Where family should be.

Despite this...
The children of an emptiness
Paint in loving hues.

Bless the mothers
Who fill their children's mouths with love
After a lifetime of knowing heart hunger.

Secrets and Ghosts...

He smiled patiently
as I unlocked the wooden trunk
where all my little secrets and skeletons lie.

I pulled them out
one by one...
unwrapping each
from their parchment dressing.

Laid bare on the table before us
He examined them...
with discerning eyes
Noting the color and shape
Of each little bone.

I waited for the gasp...
The shudder
Waited for him to turn cold
And walk away...

He gently wrapped each
and placed them with care...
into the trunk
and closed the lid.

Turned to me and smiled...
His hand on my cheek
"You were always beautiful to me...
and now I know why."

October Colour...

Oh October moon...

All the darkest lovely things

Spread the forest floor

Shadows move as smoke under your gaze

Forgive me my confessions

Your glow will be the death of me

I'll lie with you and you'll place me in a box

Sleeping with the sickness of night air's love

Waiting for what you've done

The constant knot of innocence

I thought I could move against the grain

Move your sensible heart again

As much as I ever could

I don't need to know you've gone

It seems I've been deceived

And the wind will sweep me faithless away

Peaceful in the pines

Alone with my long cast regrets

Sinking into the soil... midnight cold

Turning with leaves

Falling.

I will...

When no one stands with you,
When they turn their backs
And let your words hang in the air alone...
I'll hold you, 
...a constant

When you've lost your way,
And the signs make no sense,
I'll hold up the lantern carrying the light we once lit...
As long as it takes...

When your best efforts turn to dust,
I'll wash your hands..
Hold your head in my arms
And bring you back the pieces of yourself...
Not lost...
I'll believe in you
As we put them back in place.

Big Picture...

Life and matter
Cycles and moons
Seasons... songs...
wings and all the gliding things
Music, love, and gleaming beauty vast and high
From Heaven it all glows blue below.

But, this I know...
Our love will be remembered.

Overcast...

Drowning in cold grey...

I pay the piper for past sunshine

Paid for joy spent... with interest...

The cost is so high.

The weight taxes my heart into deep red.

I can feel my soul today.

A tangible round presence in my chest...

And it's bleeding...

Just a note...

I am breathless.. 
My mind is teeming with the most clearly defined images
Your sound fills my heart 
The quick air, the low rhythm, the warm smile 
You bring out the deep seed in me that creates 
With language 
With melodies to your harmony 
With longing 
How can one be in such awe of another 
as I am of you 
It should be outside the realm of possibility
To know so much of humanity 
And still be surprised 
Yet, here I gaze at the tall dream of you
The expanse of everything you are
I'm lost in it
Basking in the glow that is your poem
Your voice 
Your presence 
I can't catch my breath...
Are butterflies still possible?

Masked...

Extra pale cream

To blend with the brush

And cover the dark sleepless spells

Even slightly. A lie.

To banish the red 

From showing the nightly pacing...

From tears...

From not knowing...

What to do with all of this.

Dark Burgundy pout

To warn...

Of unresolved wine filled fits...

Of dreams mourned...

and plans cut short...

Thick black liner

Like crows wings spread wide

Sitting on dead branches

Cawing sarcasm at hope.

Lashes painted thick

And Long...

Like Night...

The long sleepless night.

Waving from moon to stars to void.

Morning now is...

Painting daily the masquerade.

Muse...

all the words my soul birthed
and gave away to the air
the ones I never spoke out loud

the fragments of remembered dreams
I arranged in mosaics on paper
the wishes I held under my tongue
like crashing waves
the twisting tremble...

....all the poems were about you
they've always been about you

Matches...

I know your spirit...

It is flight and roaming wonder...

Mine is wild in place.

Fire at home.

This isn't a forever pair...

This matched set.

Still.

To juice for everydrop 

of white fire

And intense smoke... it begs

For as long as the kindling sparks...

Shadows...

I've looked for you
in every face I've ever met
In the words of scholars and clergy

I've searched for your voice
in the pages of classic hymns
In the aisles of vintage record stores

I glimpsed you over my shoulder
a few times I heard you breeze by
Only to turn and lose sight

I found traces of you in others
Stayed too long and found
it was just your smoke on their jackets

There have been bouts of regret
Years of doubt
As I convince myself you are a ghost
And I'm a house haunted

That this midnight in my core
A dark night lit with the promise
of the moon behind a cloud
...is delusion

You're there just behind the sunset
Across the street
In a different cafe with the same name

Are you waiting
Did you lose hope
Can you taste it like I can?

Our forever.

Bottled up...

I write best when my lips and tongue
are purple stained.
That purple rain
was nothing more
than truth to vein.
The liquid expression
of love to pain.
Allowing me the courage
to give the scar a name...

Fired Up...

This piece has been moved to my other blog here:

Fired Up- The Fight to Maintain Positivity

Waves...

I can't offer neat or simple...
Can’t give a breezy kind of love…
Boxed up and wrapped away
To open in easy moments
Choosing when and where to let it out or make it stay.

This love of mine is water...
Once it flows it covers everything
Not even my own heart contains it most days
It drips from my mouth without a thought
Pours from my fingertips...
My eyes aren't designed to keep it at bay...


It spills...
Over your hands
Into your ears
Through your memories
Searching and soaking them in... understanding... you

It seeps…
Into your laugh
Through your skin
Leaving nothing untouched
unloved…

Around your neck in a stream…
And down your spine to where your strength lies
Fills the corners where the questions and doubts hide
This love knows your mind...
and with infinite hope it trusts your left side...
where ribs abide.

This love won't be quiet and move haltingly like some might…
It's bold and gushing...
It laughs loud and teases in the daylight
Broods with music and longing over your voice at night

This love knows where you came from 
and wants to be everywhere you're going...

If your body is there…
If your laugh is there…
If that drive behind the sleepless nights finds you in a place
with lights off and screen glowing or notebook waiting for your thoughts...

This love wants to soak that page
Those linens where you lay
That moon over your face
This love wants to drown you in that place

Scrawled notes...

There is a deep well of words
Tied to affection
And admiration

This whole planet with gravity
And marine ecoverses
Flora..
Sculptures.
And books of love...
Melodies
Sonnets
Scrawled paper notes in magic marker...

You want to give this to someone...
You want them to read and hear your sarcastic voice...

Yet read and hear your loving aura
Of motherly goodness and light...

It seems so urgent
Yet rushed
So important
And not...

Do they even want to hear it?
Past ego?
Despite apathy?
Including rage?
Maybe...

Or maybe this unrequited love sh*t
Is for real...

Who knows...
Who are they to care...
About your amazing affirmation???
Ohhhhhh....
Just everybody.
Just everything.

She's just a sieve...

Heart and scars

stitched with the gold thread

of stars...

No lullabies here.

Just the gleam... 

A burning constellation

Contrast to the black vast nothing

Chasms...

Spasms...

Light made sound in the healing

Then left it that way

Cauterized...

Transparent paper thin skin

Heart beat so loud on the sleeve

It's visible...

Fragile looks beautiful to the knife.

Feathers soft to the wind.

Strength is wax and wane

Weak is joy in pain...

In day's bright

there's still half sight

The spider's lace holds...

Under the moon's ruin

every crack is wide 

and the lyrics fall through it.

Turns out she's just a sieve.

The Boomerang Effect

So.... Fun Fact:

The precise moment when a woman is completely and utterly finished with any hint of desire for a man is the same moment when he'll want to get right and work it out.

I'm not sure what the science is behind this. The chemical compounds and such.
But it's a verifiable fact.

Ask any woman the time/date what she was wearing and where she was when she realized she was completely done having any feelings towards an ex... then ask her who texted/called immediately afterwards.

Okay maybe he didn't call right away... you know... pride being as it is... but pretty soon afterwards or the next time they talked... there it was.

And I'm not talking about the time she was convinced by the tears and promises and took him back. That woman was not over that man.
I'm talking about the woman who would've, at one time, walked over hot coals for this man and now sees him standing before her and is completely indifferent to his pleas.

It's an astonishing phenomenon. I'll continue to study it and report back.


Stay Tuned...

Let's Leap Again...

A lot of my decisions are made with my heart… It's the way I'm built.

As a Pisces, I'm told that I'm text book in the way my sign acts/reacts/thinks/observes/lives/loves.

Look, I'm not naive and I do peep red flags, but like I said... 

It's the way I'm built.

Sometimes the results are overwhelmingly beneficial.

Other times, I wish I were more strategic and critical.

There is always room for improvement.

I analyze my own actions and intentions for weaknesses.

I adjust the way I interact with people accordingly.

But, in the end, I don’t want to ever miss out on the

chance to have crucially deep connections with other people

because I was too afraid to leap with my heart first.

Stay tuned.

Rough Drafts...

On the days shattered like ice 

The ghosts of those still living arise

The cost of their abandon

    Reveal how immense the void

    The price

    We rush with prayers to fill space

Or sit with cuts on our hands

A balm of memories 

Bitter now to understand

Every breath that told warm buttery lies 

The air is gray and time moves by

So slow 

As if it has papers to grade 

And no wish to fly 

Sleepless and breathless we pace 

Looking for peace or a taste 

Empty offerings left aside

The rest and the love denied